Thursday, May 22, 2008

Congratulations Jay!


I just wanted to congratulate Jay on his latest accomplishment, The Memphis in May Triathlon. This being his second triathlon along with Nashville's Music City Marathon all in under a months time. What an athlete and great accomplishment. I expect to see many more great feats in the near future.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Drink your Tea




Lately I have been trying to reduce my daily caffeine intake. With the last few months of classes combined with work plus training and preparing for my next competition I felt my caffeine intake has gone a bit overboard. I get the majority of my caffeine through coffee, or at least I did. I have decided to up my green tea intake (I did drink green tea daily but usually no more than 8oz) and replace my coffee with green tea. Now, green tea does still contain caffeine but a much lower amount than coffee. Plus with health benefits like these you cant go wrong:

• Increased 24-hour energy expenditure and fat oxidation
• Decreased waist circumference
• Decreased lipid oxidation
• Improved blood vessel function
• Reduced risk of heart disease and stroke
• Decreased serum cholesterol and triglycerides
• Prevention of atherosclerosis
• Reduced risk of developing high blood pressure
• Inhibition of oxidative damage
• Decreased growth of abnormal cells
• Enhanced immune function
• Prevention of prostate cancer
• Reduced risk of skin cancer
• Regression of oral cancer
• Decreased ovarian cancer risk
• Natural resistance to microbial infection
• Decreased plaque and oral bacteria
• Lower risk of developing kidney stones
• Reduced risk of Parkinson disease

Friday, May 2, 2008

Wow!

This video may leave you speechless. It may make you tear up. It may make you smile. It may make you look at your priorities in life. It may make you re-evaluate your life. Whatever it does to you I think it should be seen by all.
-Chase


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

100 Calories of Sh*t


"My mom let's me grab five 100 calorie packs after school since they are healthy"

It all began as I was sitting in the break area of the Exercise Science department between classes the other day. I was studying up for my next class when I look up to see this girl eating a 100 calorie pack of Oreos. Now, it's not like it was the first time I had ever saw those little deceitful packs, but it was the first time I had put much thought into them. Basically these little packs are a portion control of junk food. They have no nutritional value. They are still sh*t. So basically some may justify it by only eating a little sh*t food, not a lot of sh*t. Sh*t is still sh*t. Most people, especially those who are over-fat, can’t eat “just a little” of a unhealthy tasty food. No fat person eats a single Oreo, thinks to themselves, “Man that cookie was good and plenty for today”, they eat the whole row of Oreo’s. Nutrition facts should be per row of cookies, not the small 1 or 2 cookie serving size they list.

Just remember as a clearly not sober Paula Abdul would say on American Idol, "It is what it is". Sh*t food is still sh*t food. It will shorten your life, wreck your health and make you an ugly naked person. It doesn’t make it healthy just because its served in a little pouch that says 100 Calories on it. Wouldn’t you rather eat a bunch of healthy, nutritious, great tasting food? You can. Eating healthy seems to have a stigma about it and being bland and bad tasting. That’s way wrong. It can be very, very good. And another plus is you’ll live longer, be healthier, and look better naked.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Psychology and Social Dynamics



The photo above is me pulling a truck 60 yards up a 12% incline. I thought it was an appropriate photo for this article.
"You’re going to be different. Embrace it. I give you permission to stand out. You're different. Stronger. Better. Be the outcast."

The following article was written by Chris Shugart in regards to his Velocity Diet. I believe the skills and principles he touch on during this article are great. This is a must read for anyone trying to begin to live a healthier lifestyle or already living it. -Chase Karnes


"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."- Charles Poliquin


While nutrition and exercise are the clear components of success with any physique transformation, there are less obvious variables that most people don't even think about: psychology and social dynamics.

The mental game is perhaps more important than the nutrition and exercise program. Why? Because just as the muscles are useless without the nervous system to control them, body transformation is impossible without the right mindset. To make radical changes on the outside, you have to first look inside.

Your drastic changes to your nutrition not only takes willpower during the first couple of weeks before the taste, craving, and behavioral changes kick in, it also takes a certain social attitude. In this chapter, we'll talk about both the internal and external cognitive skills it takes to succeed.

Skill #1: Recognizing Rationalization

There is one concept you must internalize and make a part of your daily life if you want to succeed. If you don't master this skill, you quite simply won't make a single long term change in your body:

You must, before you even begin the nutrition changes, learn to recognize and squash your use of rationalization.

About fifteen years ago I found myself sitting in a college psychology class. I was fat, out of shape, and my eating habits were out of control. But the worst part was that I'd mentally blocked all of this out of my immediate consciousness. I avoided stepping on scales, taking my shirt off at pools, and even looking in the mirror. I'd built up so many protective walls that I was walking around practically unaware of my condition.

I knew of course that I was nearing the state of clinical obesity, but I chose not to think about it. I had excuses for everything: I was too busy to workout. Healthy food was expensive. Eating was a stress reliever. Heck, I deserved to eat garbage as a reward for my hard work in school. I even remember saying that I'd rather be fat and happy than lean and miserable. (In reality, I was already miserable being overweight.)

Two things happened that day. First, I had to take a body fat test as part of a PE class. Humiliated and red faced, I took off my shirt and let some cute co-ed try to measure my body fat percentage with a set of calipers. I was so fat she had a hard time doing it. I clearing remember her trying to pinch my rolls of belly fat with the calipers. My face burned with embarrassment.

Later that day in the psychology class, the professor went over the concept that shattered every psychological wall I'd ever erected. That concept was known as rationalization.

Rationalization is a type of ego-defense mechanism. Basically, rationalization involves creating false but plausible excuses to justify unacceptable behavior. Essentially, you're lying to yourself to make yourself feel better or to relieve guilt.

To relieve his guilt about stealing from the office, a person may tell himself, "Well, they underpay me anyway. It's only fair." Someone may try to relieve his guilt about cheating on his girlfriend by saying, "Well, I'd had a few beers, so I wasn't in my right mind."

When I grasped the definition of rationalization, my ego-protecting, guilt-relieving wall of lies came crashing down. Hard. And once a person grasps the concept, it's almost impossible to un-grasp it.

I saw immediately what I was doing to myself by overeating and not working out. All my excuses became transparent. I became angry and disgusted with myself. It was a hard lesson, but from that day forward I learned to recognize rationalization and put a stop to it.

Here's the power of this recognition: once you're aware of rationalization, it's very hard to keep doing it. And once you stop doing it, it's amazing how quickly you start to achieve your goals.

As with many other aspects of life, rationalization is probably the single biggest roadblock in a person's way when he or she is trying to lose fat, add muscle, get healthy, or increase performance. We always seem to have a good reason to skip a workout or eat something we know is bad for us. We're not lying to others about why we're doing these negative things; we're lying to ourselves.

I think what broke me out of my downward spiral of rationalization was mostly the realization that what I was doing -- self-directed lying to excuse my bad diet and lack of training -- had been named and defined by a psychologist. I mean, I was doing something that negatively affected my whole life, and it had been defined and placed into psychology textbooks 100 years ago! Again, this made it very difficult to keep doing it. The act of recognition alone helped me to stop making these thin excuses and get on with changing my behaviors.

Here are some examples of rationalization related to body-transformation:

"I had a good workout today. I can have the Chinese buffet tonight."

"I don't have time to exercise."

"I've had a tough week. I deserve a big meal."

"I'll start the diet next week or next month."

The latter example is a special form of rationalization I call justified procrastination. To procrastinate means to put something off until another day. Justified procrastination is when you put something off -- like starting an exercise program or a diet -- but rationalize the delay. Example:

"I'll start the V-Diet after my birthday (or vacation or holiday, etc.)"

Sometimes, there may be a real reason not to start the diet (waiting for your supplement order to arrive for example.) But for the most part, the time to start any training program or diet is now. There is great power in immediate action. Ninety-percent of delays are merely justified procrastination, and you must learn to recognize it and squash it.


The Rubber Band Trick

Noted sports psychologist Dr. Jack Singer has a useful trick he uses to help athletes recognize and remove negative thinking patterns. What he does is have them wear a rubber band around their wrist. When they catch themselves having a self-defeating thought like "I choke under pressure during the game" they snap the rubber band on their wrists and replace the negative thought with a positive one such as "I excel under pressure."

Even if that statement is untrue at the time, the action helps them to reprogram their mindset and improve their performance.

The V-Dieter can use this same trick to defeat rationalization. Example: A co-worker brings in donuts. You catch yourself thinking, "Well, one donut won't hurt; I'll just skip a shake today. And besides, I don't want to be rude by turning down the free food."

Once you see that you're making a weak rationalization to justify cheating on your diet, quickly snap the rubber band on your wrist and think, "That's an example of rationalization. I'm too strong of a person to do that to myself."

Finally, remember that defense mechanisms like this are often defined as "largely unconscious" or "semi-unconscious." But rationalization can be recognized and defeated. In fact, it must be.

Skill #2: Evaluating Social Partnerships and "Toxic" People

Look around. Who is surrounding you right now? Visualize your close circle of friends, your immediate co-workers, and the family members you spend the most time with. Who are they? This is important because research has shown that the best indicator of success isn't socioeconomic status, education levels, or any of the usual suspects. It's the people you surround yourself with.

For this reason, it's important to have the skill of evaluating social relationships, including close personal relationships with spouses, best fiends, and immediate family. These people can help you achieve your goals or stand in the way of you achieving them. They may even actively try to make you fail - yes, even your spouse or best friend. Especially your spouse or best friend.

Let's review the three main social categories as related to the V-Diet:

The Positive Partnership

Many people choose to do the V-Diet with a friend, spouse, or boyfriend or girlfriend. This is a great idea. Women thrive in groups or partnerships, from training partners to diet partners. Men do too, especially if there's an element of competition. Men compete with each other while women tend to support each other. It's in our base natures.

Couples do well on the V-Diet together too. After all, if you're having your nineteenth shake of the week while your boyfriend is having pizza, friction can occur. The V-Dieter may resent the pizza eater, or the pizza eater may resent the V-Dieter for having the willpower to tackle her weight problem. But doing the diet together removes all those possible problems, if a positive partnership occurs.

A positive partnership is supportive. It can be supportive via positive pep talks and encouragement, or it can be supportive through the careful use of "tough love." Some people simply respond better to a verbal butt kicking than hand holding. In a positive partnership, one person will simply keep the other motivated and on track.

The Negative Partnership

Negative training and diet partners are supportive too, just in a counterproductive manner. Negative partners don't sabotage one another, rather, they work together to rationalize cheating on their diets, skipping workouts, or having lazy workouts.

Their mentality is one of partners-in-crime. If one V-Dieter says she thinks she's going to skip that day's NEPA walk, the other may justify this and agree to skip her walk as well. Spouses may justify a weekday cheat meal at a restaurant.

This type of negative support is comforting because human beings feel better about negative or destructive behaviors if these behaviors are performed in a group setting, something known as deindividuation in the field of psychology. "You lie to me, I'll lie to you, and we'll all be happy" seems to be the motto of these destructive tag-teams.

Obviously, negative partnerships are to be avoided. If you find yourself in one, get out or choose to be the strong member, the one who pulls the other up instead of participating in the downward spiral. As with many of these psychological and social issues, awareness is the key. Once you're knowledgeable about this pitfall, it should be easy to avoid.

The Solo V-Dieter

Most V-Dieters go it alone, often while being told how "crazy" they are for doing it. The greatest enemy of the V-Diet isn't fast food and comfortable couches, it's other people. In many cases, these other people can be classified as toxic.

The concept of "toxic people" was popularized by Dr. Lillian Glass in her book by the same name. A toxic person is basically anyone who holds you back, cuts you down, makes you experience any number of negative emotions on a regular basis, and generally causes you to feel like a piece of toilet paper, and not that nice triple-quilted stuff either. A toxic person can be a friend, a co-worker, a family member, and even a spouse.

A V-Diet saboteur, as I call them, is out to sabotage your training and diet program. He or she can do this overtly or covertly, and through physical or emotional manipulations. Let's go through some examples:

* A family member cooks you your favorite cheat food and encourages you to "live a little" and give up the diet.

* A friend drops seemingly casual but negative comments:

"Yeah, you've lost some fat, but that can't be healthy."

"It's great that you lost ten pounds so far, but when you lose weight fast it always comes back."

* A co-worker knows you're dieting yet keeps offering you junk food. This office saboteur has been known to wave donuts in your face in a "joking" manner. He or she may also refer to you as a "health nut" or "fanatic."

* Your spouse tries to talk you out of going to the gym, or make you feel guilty about it:

"Why can't you spend time with me instead of running off to the gym?"

"We're strapped for cash and you spend $50 a month on a stupid gym membership?"

"Why do you go to the gym so often? Are you seeing someone up there?"

So why do they do it? Well, they may be doing it consciously or unconsciously. It can be done out of hatred or competition, but the usual culprits are jealously and fear.

Example: Your spouse (who usually hasn't been bitten by the fitness bug) sees you losing fat and getting more defined. Your body is looking better and better. She's afraid you'll leave her for a better looking partner, so she tries to sabotage you in order to "keep you." Delusional thinking? You bet, but frighteningly common.

Another example is the jealous co-worker. She sees your discipline and hard work, and she watches as your body changes. She's failed at fat loss many times in the past and she's jealous of your achievements. Her attempts at sabotage can take many forms: caustic comments (often made as thinly disguised jokes), tempting you with crappy food, subtly discouraging your healthy behaviors, or even spreading rumors that you must be "on something."

(Sorry, you may think I'm picking on women here. No, both sexes can be saboteurs; women are just really, really good at it.)

These types of saboteurs behave this way to make themselves feel better. Your discipline and success is like a slap in the face to them. Without saying a word, you're making their excuses look pathetic. These infectious whiners won't be inspired by you; they'll be offended. Nothing angers a toxic person more than seeing someone else succeed.

I've seen toxic men use these same tactics on their wives. You'd think a man would want his overweight wife to get into shape, right? Not if he's toxic! These men might not like having overweight wives, but they'll do everything they can to keep them that way.

Why? Rampant insecurity. Keeping your wife fat is a great way to control her and keep her at home. This is usually coupled with verbal and emotional abuse. And yes, I've seen insecure women do the same thing to their husbands and boyfriends.

Sound crazy? It is, but I can't tell you how many times I've tried to help someone with their Velocity Diet only to have their spouse do everything in their power to ruin it. And here's where we learn about how devious the saboteur can be. You know what the most common form of sabotage is for these poisonous personalities? This line right here:

"Honey, I love you just the way you are. You don't have to lose weight."

BS! That's a velvet hammer used to squash another person's opportunities. It's sleazy and dirty and only used by an insecure person who's emotionally retarded. Aesthetics aside, I'd be wary of any person who doesn't want his or her significant other to make positive health decisions.

"I love you just the way you are" is a polite way of saying "I'll feel inadequate and lazy if you get into shape and I don't! Please stay fat and increase your risk of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes. Better you die at age 45 that me feel insecure or pressured to get into shape myself!"

A few things to keep in mind regarding the V-Diet saboteur:

#1: Watch for poisonous patterns.

Not everyone who offers you a slice of pizza or suggests you skip a workout is a saboteur. What you're looking for here are consistent patterns of behavior. How often does the person do this? How many different ways does the person try to do it?

#2: There are no "casual" negative comments.

If someone regularly makes nasty remarks, even in a joking manner, he could be a saboteur. Remember, saboteurs can be awfully subtle and polite about derailing your progress. They employ the "death by a thousand cuts" technique. And their tongues are wicked sharp. The closer the person is to you (wife or parent), the deeper the cuts.

#3: The V-Diet saboteur is the one with the problem.

It's easy to take these attacks personally, but you shouldn't. The Saboteur is the one with the "issues," not you. Their insecurity, jealously, and self-loathing are forced on you because you represent the opposite. Even though you don't mean it, you're a symbol of their failings and shortcomings.

#4: The toxic person is seldom seen by you as an "enemy."

Although they can be, the actions of a saboteur are seldom overt. And the saboteur himself is seldom a person who obviously has it in for you. The most prevalent saboteurs come from within your own family and close circle of friends.

#5: Sabotage often comes disguised as concern, a favor, or a nice gesture.

I was recently contacted by a guy who'd lost thirteen pounds during the first three weeks of his Velocity Diet. Although he had more fat to lose, his family was already filling his head with negative thoughts and lashing out. They told him he was anorexic, that he had a problem, that losing fat was unhealthy, that he took "too many pills," and that protein would damage his kidneys.

No surprise, everyone in his family was obese and did nothing but vegetate in front of the TV and eat potato chips. But still, verbal barbs like this coming from your family can be the sharpest and most frustrating.

Were they really concerned? No. They were upset that this guy was climbing out of the box they'd put him in. His success was making them feel inadequate. His fat loss reminded them that they were obese couch spuds. Luckily, this guy resisted the pull of the fatty flock and dodged their attempts at sabotage. Side note: Saboteurs sometimes travel in packs.

#6: Dealing with the V-Diet saboteur

A co-worker can usually be ignored. Once you learn to recognize and interpret these attempts at sabotage, you can see them for what they often are: a sign that you're accomplishing something. Take it as a compliment. Eat it up and thrive on it.

But what about the friend, family member or spouse? Dr. Glass recommends confronting them with humor. I agree, the straightforward approach is the best. End the game as fast as possible. When they try to sabotage you, ask them directly about it:

"Why are you offering me a cookie when you know I'm dieting for summer?"

"Why do you try to keep me from going to the gym?'

This is especially effective when the saboteur doesn't even realize what he or she is doing. Remember, these are often delusional people wrapped in a security blanket of defense mechanisms, and a reality check is just what they need. It'll be very difficult for them to continue with their sabotaging ways after you point out what they're doing.

The Final Word on the Saboteur

The V-Diet and the healthy lifestyle that follows is all about achievement and living a full, engaged life. The foundation of this is exercise and a healthy diet. With that solid base, anything is possible and all aspects of life are enriched. The saboteurs hate that, and they secretly resent you for doing what they either can't or won't.

The bitter, complacent people out there don't want you to rise above the norm. You're not allowed to be different. Today, "normal" is fat, weak and unhealthy, and their message to you is "Stay in your box!" Given the chance, they'll drag you down and lock you up.

Listen to what people around you are really saying. Spot the saboteurs, let them know you're on to them, and diffuse them.

Skill #3: Be the Outcast

I received an email the other day from a V-Dieter that went something like this:

"Chris, I have to attend a dinner at a restaurant for my company, but it doesn't fall during my solid meal day. What can eat that won't blow my V-Diet?"

My answer shocked her:

"You can drink your usual shake before you go and eat nothing, or you take your shake with you to the restaurant."

She was practically livid. What would people think? What would they say? How would she explain herself?

The problem here is her mindset. Why is she afraid of being different? Why does she have such a desire to fit in, even when "fitting in" means doing something counter to her goals? What, is she going to get fired for not eating a plate of pasta and breadsticks at the Olive Garden? What's the worry?

As a social species, we all have the desire to fit in, to belong to a group. But in terms of fitness and health, to "fit in" today would mean being overweight and a slave to toxic foods and unhealthy habits. I prefer to be the outcast, don't you? Yes, you are going to stand out during and after the V-Diet. You are going to do something most people won't even attempt to do.

The correct mindset is this:

"I am going to so something completely radical in order to make a fast, radical change in my body and my life. Some people will think I'm crazy. That's okay. I don't want to be like them anyway. I want to stand out. I want to achieve what they can't achieve. I'm different. I am not average. Average is fat and unhealthy. I am above average. My dedication will make people uncomfortable. They may try to sabotage me. That's okay too. This is fun. This is an adventure. It makes me interesting and different. After I'm done, those average people will ask me how they can be 'crazy' too, and I will help them."

You’re going to be different. Embrace it. I give you permission to stand out. You're different. Stronger. Better. Be the outcast.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Tackling Female Workout/Nutrition Misconceptions



10:15 Saturday Morning: Quaint Coffee Shop in Murray, KY

“I see your reading Men’s Health, so are like one those fitness nuts or something?” a tall dark headed girl in her early 20’s ask me.

A little offended to be referred to as a “nut” I wanted to respond part smart ass but the gentleman in me overpowered the smart ass and I replied with, “Well I am a personal trainer and fitness is a huge part of my life.”

I see she is drinking a large coffee drink and if I had to guess it was probably full or sugar and fat. After she takes a small sip she starts asking workout and nutrition questions. Now, this is no surprise at all because it happens all the time. So I sat back for the next 30 minutes or so answering questions, sipping my black coffee with a few splenda, waiting for the gym doors to open down the street.

After the conversation I felt I should write this article. Mainly to highlight a few of the misconceptions she mentioned that if I had to guess, most girls have about health and nutrition. Here are the 5 that stood out to me more than the rest.

1. “All the guys at the gym say I should lift the pink dumbbells for like 25 times, like 4 sets or something, whatever that’s called.”

My guess is these are the same guys that bench on Monday, curl on Wednesday, do crunches on Friday, and drink a case of beer a day at the local Frat house every Thursday thru Sunday. They may be able to teach you how to funnel 3 beer in 30 seconds, but when it comes to workout advice its like asking a member of the local high schools TSA club how to shoot a basketball. They just don’t know. Women should lift weights. I recommend for starters doing full body workouts. Using a weight that causes near muscular failure between 10 and 15 reps for around 3 sets. Starting with the largest muscle groups the working smaller groups thereafter. Start with multi join movements for the lower body (Squats, Deadlifts, Lunges, Leg Press, etc.), the upper body next with a push exercise (Incline Dumbbell Bench Press, Bench Press, Shoulder Press, etc.), followed by a upper body pull exercise (Lat Pull Down, Seated Row, Bent Over Row, etc.), then a posterior chain exercise (Stiff Leg Deadlift, Leg Curl, Hyperextension, etc.), followed by a abdominal exercise (crunches, leg raises, etc.). If you feel the need you can also add in single joint isolation exercise (Bicep Curls, Tricep Pressdowns, Dumbbell Later Raises, etc.) at the end.

2. “I run 3 miles a day like 6 days a week, is that enough?”

“Wow! How are your knees feeling?” That’s a bit overkill on the cardio. Now, unless you’re a figure competitor or competitive athlete I recommend you doing cardio you enjoy. (Figure competitors and athletes need to be precise on their cardio and it may not be enjoyable). Best bet is you work out because you want to look good in naked, as well as in clothes and on the beach. So, do what you enjoy for cardio. You shouldn’t dread it. If you like to run then run. If swimming is your thing, swim. If biking is your cup of tea then go right ahead and bike. 3-4 days a week of cardio at around 20 minutes a session should be plenty. Running 3 miles a day 6 days a week is way too much for general fitness and optimal body composition. You want to work at around 65-75% of your maximal heart rate. Below that you’re pretty much wasting time.

3. “I read somewhere I should be eating 1000 calories a day, so I try to eat less than that because if figured that would be even better.”

You probably need more than 1000 calories a day. Super low calories diets aren’t for you. They wreak havoc on your metabolism, make you moody, tired, foggy headed, and just plain mean at times. Most females should consume approx. 1500 calories a day. That is just a base to start with and if you’re not seeing the changes your wish after a couple weeks you should make the appropriate changes by increasing or decreasing your calorie intake.

4. “Coffee is healthy right? I mean you are drinking coffee right now.”

Coffee is ok in moderation and I would be lying if I said I didn’t start everyday with a cup or two. However, I am talking about drinking black coffee sweetened w/ splenda. “Not the sugar and fat laden mocha that I bet your drinking right now, correct?”

“Yes, actually it is a Mocha, but it’s made with skim milk.”, she replied.

Skim milk may cut back on the fat but it’s still full or sugar. Stick with regular coffee and splenda (or artificial sweetener of your choice) with an occasional sugar free skim milk coffee drink and you’ll cut back on empty calories a lot.

5. “So what is the best Alcohol to drink?”

Well, stop ordering your frozen margaritas and LITs right now. You’re easily drinking 500-1000 calories a drink. Mostly from sugar and or course, alcohol. Same thing goes with your flavored vodka, rums, etc. Rum has 0 grams of sugar a shot, flavored rum has around 12 grams of sugar (depending on the flavor). To make those flavors they add sugar, and lots of it. Your best bet is to limit how often drink, the less the better. Also, limit how many drinks you drink when you go out. Yet again, the less the better. Here are some the best drink choices in no particular order:

Miller Lite – 96 Calories
Michelob Ultra – 95 Calories
Diet Coke and Rum – 87 Calories
Skinny Bitch (Vodka, Diet Tonic Water (Or Water), Lime) – 97 Calories
Glass Red Wine – 130 Calories

Hopefully this article cleared up some misconceptions for you. I have conversations with people almost daily, all being similar to the one above. Make these changes to your daily routine and see the changes for yourself.

-Chase Karnes, NSCA-CPT

Tuesday, December 18, 2007




Merry Christmas, Bob
by Chris Shugart



The following Article was first featured in Testosterone Nation three years ago. It's often regarded as one of our more inspirational, get-off-your-sorry-ass articles and, given that it has a Christmas theme, I thought it appropriate to run it again this Christmas.


"So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's brother-in-law's second cousin or something.

"I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say. Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open franchises across the nation.

"It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say.

Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing trigonometry.

"Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What do you suggest?" Sip.

At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that's not a nice round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk? Do ya? Do ya?"

Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are supposed to wear?

Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel, how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this:

"Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that.

"Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak Chopra, and Zig fucking Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success coach.

"You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train, too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what? We've overcome.

"We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of shit that needs to grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies them.) We listen to you bitch and moan. We watch you look for the easy way out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout.

"You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and discipline, they stop listening and tune us out.

"We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95.

"We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew, we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better to us. While
you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late, hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could.

"We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us, physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels good, Bob. Damned good.

"When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob, there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a neat package of iron plates and bars.

"Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the fucking beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train. The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie in there, so dress warm.

"But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you bitch about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson.

"You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you. In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob.

"Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers and say, 'Step off, bitch. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your court."

Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.

The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what it'll take to get it.

If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always now.

Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you be doing at six o'clock that morning?

That's what separates us from guys like Bob.